3a.m.

It’s not better, it’s different. The energy we bring to our intentions matters, and through the years, I have been guided to acknowledge that whenever we make decisions from a place of believing they will be better, that the grass will be greener, we place ever-increasing expectations on the outcome, counting on it to prove we’ve got it right so we won’t have to face defeat or failure.

I don’t know if this life I’m trying to create on the island will be better for us, but I do know it will be completely different from my life here. And that’s the point, right? Not better or worse, just different. Not right or wrong, just an experience. I embrace this sentiment, it feels lighter, less pressured… and yet…

A high-speed train of thoughts about all the things I will no longer be able to source easily or have at my fingertips brings up frantic 3 a.m. internet searches that undermine my mantra: “I’m in complete trust of the divine unfolding of my journey.” I say I don’t want the comfort zones, that I’m seeking adventure to really live, but the comfort zone I’ve orchestrated over the years has an ease, a familiarity, and a predictability that offers a safe space to land and a routine that brings harmony to my family. And I’m about to deconstruct it, piece by piece. I wonder if I really want to step out of this comfort zone as much as I say I do. I guess we’re about to find out!

We are mostly playing the Hero, the Villain, or the Victim in our own soul story. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my choices right now are placing me in the energy of the Villain – self-titled. It’s not a role I’m used to playing. I like to keep the peace, avoid conflict. The realisation that when you take steps toward what a soul call that is often unexplainable to others, there’s a chance you’ll break hearts and cause upheaval for those you love, that cause and effect is real. You change people’s lives based on your decisions. This sacred disruption is an energy I’m trying to resolve, and right now, it’s the hardest part of this journey, even knowing what I do about my own destiny pathways.

I feel selfish more often than feeling excited at the moment; guilty more often than feeling at peace. I know I need to reframe this, I’m working on it! To help, I say to myself, “Okay Romy, what if you don’t go? If nothing changes? If you don’t follow this call, what then?” The sinking feeling in my gut, the tightness in my throat, and the unsettling sensation that trying to reject this pathway will not bring me peace, that is my answer. I know what my babies need from me is to be the best version of myself so I can bring balance and harmony to our lives and enrich our future with growth filled opportunity and joy.

So I keep going…

I realised this week that the day I made my decision I was going to move my progressed Moon moved into Sagittarius and my 4th house. It was literally on that day, I never cease to be levelled by the Soul’s blueprint. How much free will do we really have? That one’s for another day!

My friend Anna is visiting from Sweden right now, and together we dared to unearth the depths of my attic. I leaned into her Capricorn resilience, that quiet fortress of steadiness and the wisdom of a Capricorn Full Moon as I climbed the ladder and attempted to quiet the sentimental chorus of “stuff” that whispers of mountains I’ve climbed, lessons I’ve carried. Sometimes, holding on is a silent prayer, a record of my journey. But beneath that, I know I have so much more letting go and releasing to do if I am going to make it all the way in this journey.

I did say I’m leaving 90% of my life behind — remember? — but in reality, that’s a lot tougher to digest. As I post this tonight, I reflect deeply, it doesn’t have to be better; it just has to be different. But I also know a part of me quietly trusts and believes it will be better. And that’s okay, because this is the messy middle.

These are my Soul Diaries and this is my Golden Chapter…

Until next time

Keep Rising in love

Romy

One of the beautiful bridges connecting me to the island is my Golden Rays Healing Retreat with Uma. We are already almost half full. It fills my heart I’m so ready to be in the sacred space of this secret sanctuary and together with Uma return you to your radiance.

If you’re thinking about joining us, don’t leave it to late, there’s an Early Bird deposit that secures your place. All the details are here!

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